2 min readSep 11, 2021
- How do you keep this (pardon the pun) straight in your head. So god loves you as a gay person but the church does not sanction you living an out gay life where you find a mutually fulfilling love relationship with another man? Have you created this position to allow yourself to stay within a religious structure that sees you as an unacceptable aberration. Basically the wife becomes the cop amd mother who monitors the gay husbands natural impulses and is the no fun partner with all the responsibility while he looks for a way to work a little gay fun into his otherwise straight- passing life. Why not just lay down that burden and stop the two-person charade? I appreciate the support you’re giving couples in this situation within this paradigm but all this energy could be channeled into creating new spaces for gay men and their former partners within an accepting evangelical setting (an oxymoron if ever there was one as far as I’m concerned). I’m exhausted just trying to get my head around the mental gymnastics, but I get how hard it would be to reject the problem here — the evangelical model — without having to deal with the toxic self loathing (due to its internalised belief system) and traumatic ego collapse/restructuring that would result from the vacuum left by the absence of that model. If god loves you (and he does because he is love) you shouldn’t feel ashamed. I’m sorry, but this is the most fucked up, self-gaslighting thing I’ve read here for a long time. Peace to you.
